Have I reached the end of my dating days? I differentiate ‘dating’ from ‘having a relationship’ because in dating one is figuratively testing the waters, often with several different women, and they are rightfully doing the same with me and other guys. I don’t like the process. It is stressful. One wants to make a good choice in order to pursue a relationship.
Some people enjoy the dating process so much that that is what they choose to pursue. It is not for me. I want the sense that my one woman wants what I want in a relationship, namely constancy, exclusivity, reliability and affection, including intimate connection. It sounds simple enough to me. I’d think that many women might want those same things – and they do – but many do not and they’re not inclined to tell you they do not, at least not right away. That’s where the heartbreak comes in. It comes with the discovery that her vow to exclusivity is not all-encompassing, or perhaps that her commitment to any of the other above-named attributes is less complete than my own.
There are other issues that can break apart a fledgling relationship too. Incompatibility with likes, dislikes, sometimes politics (if they’re too far apart), attitudes of all kinds, activity interests, even natural sleep cycles or attitudes toward sleeping, eating or general sociability (if too different), monetary resources and attitudes toward spending can drive potential partners apart.
Quick judgments also have a tendency to disallow the growth of potential relationships, so one must not be too hasty. Clarify circumstances, develop full understandings, give him/her a chance to either explain, convince, rationalize, justify, apologize or even change. There’s not much room for any of those opportunities in the on-line dating world. As the rushing rabbit told Alice, “No time to say, ‘Hello!’ Goodbye!” In the dating world, he might have added, “I’ll find another date!”
One potential date judged me so quickly that we never even met despite having much in common. I’d had a 41 year marriage and a 4½ year committed relationship with two episodes of on-line dating following the dissolution of each of those somewhat long-term relationships. But this woman’s judgement was that I was ‘flighty’ and ‘needy’ and she quickly judged that I was not worth meeting. I had to agree with her, not because her judgment was right but because her quick, uninformed judgment of me revealed things about her I didn’t care to encounter.
I still have high hopes that the new woman in my life shall be the last woman I will ever love. I’d like to be able to be her partner until the end. My end? Her end? Who knows?
She is quite a bit younger than I am, so the natural assumption is that she’d be seeing me off, but I’ve seen many instances of such suppositions going awry. To go about life believing that age predicts all orders of demise would seem ill-advised.
But here is what has me believing that she is the one for me.
She is easy-going and easy to love. She’s a mom who loves her adult children. She’s tender, caring, not too fussy about much of anything. We have strong compatibilities including our attitudes toward affection. No drugs. No smoking. Drinking? A little goes a long way. Movies, social events, road trips, dancing, chilling-out together, attitudes toward almost everything – all compatible! And like me, she is very happy to have removed herself from the PoF yo-yo of being jerked up and down, while going round and round.
We also have many incidental similarities that are more note-worthy than meaningful. For instance, we are both Libras. (A woman once told me that almost before looking at the dating man’s on-line picture, she would look at his astrological sign!) We both prefer our steak cooked on the rare side, rather than on the ‘well-done’ side. Another odd connection we seem to have is that we can both cite ancestry that includes Cree. Her claim is pretty solid. My claim is somewhat tenuous, but it has been passed on as oral record over many generations, so – maybe.
Here she is in my life! Her arrival is timely, as I expect my arrival in her life may also have been timely. Now, we get to go out and enjoy what we may enjoy together! Ah yes, together! I so like the wonderful sound of that word!