A dreary day has dawned in London, Ontario. At least, I think it’s dawned. At 9 am, I still need an overhead light in order to clearly see my keyboard. Freezing rain overnight has yielded to straight rain and thick, consistent, horizon-to-horizon cloud cover.
It’s a good day for me to go to the snooker club, play a game or two and kibbitz with the boys. The boys always provide a happy-enough human connection. It’s male-to-male camaraderie that has its own rhythms, its own verbal jostling, its own humour, sometimes its own challenges. It doesn’t have the depth of connection I most hope to have one day which is female-to-male, comfortable with closeness, cuddling and intimate touch, but seeing the boys will have to do for today. Connection is connection, after all.
I think that some of the guys at the club think I’m a bit of a kook, but it depends on what their own status is and how they feel about that. Most of them are married. I would guess that unless they are facing some pressing medical issues, they are in a position to take their connection with a special woman more or less for granted. It is not an issue for them, not something for their active consideration.
There are a few single guys. Like me, they do their own searching. One fellow loves being single! He espouses the single life as the best condition there is! I don’t know how he does it, but he claims to regularly date women 30-40 years his junior, and he does have witnesses who will attest to the truth of that claim! I know that doing such a thing could be fun too, but that is really not what I’d hope to find.
Another fellow seems unconcerned about his single status. I think he’d like to have a female partner, but if he doesn’t have one, he’s not about to go out and do anything active to find one.
Another fellow seems to have a few casual connections here and there and will drive almost any distance in order to make the intimate connection he seeks. Of course, in private, among the guys only, he does not refer to it as “intimate connection.” He refers to it exactly the way Donald Trump has become known for his reference to that most central of female body parts.
But finally, whether it is simply being able to speak with another human being or whether it is being comfortable with intimate embrace, we all seek connection. Having some connection is vital to our well-being.
Connection is one thing, but to have steady, reliable connection with a special someone, in my case, a special woman, is what I ardently hope may happen for me. That is more uncertain than I’d care for it to be because establishing that kind of connection requires a fairly high degree of compatibility as well as high levels of trust. That takes time and commitment.
In some ways, compatibility is what was at the root of my previous blog posting, Right Time . I had found a cheerful, snuggly woman with whom I could relate, but in the end it was my “early-birdism” and her “night-hawkism,” that drove us apart. She was go-go-go and I was go-rest-go. I am happy enough to stay home for long periods of time, even if by staying home I am working to make my woman’s homecoming easier, more comfortable, more joyous. I am happy enough to be a quasi-homemaker in a manly sort of way. I probably wouldn’t be offering her freshly baked muffins upon her arrival home, but a glass of chilled white wine (or a smooth red) and a soothing massage – who could turn that down?
I like some adventure now and then too. I’ve enjoyed skiing in BC, spending a week in Venice, going on a European River cruise, spent time in many European centres. I’d still like to see the Canadian Atlantic provinces. I ski whenever I can. Locally, I walk both sidewalks and trails. I get out. I go to movies, to small-venue concerts, to art shows, to talks. I like people. But I also enjoy periods of quiet and rest, especially when shared with a compatible woman who is comfortable using my body as a backrest while taking in one of her favourite TV shows – that’s the best for me! I’m an easy-going kind of man. Not a couch potato at all, but I do have both “on” and “off” switches and I value both states of being.
A compatible connection based on trust, allowing for mutually sought intimacy is what I want. I only hope I can find the woman who is realistically seeking the same in her opposite – namely, me!