No one has exactly taken me to task for the direction my writing has taken since my five-year relationship ended, but I must acknowledge a certain obsessive theme that I’m going to try to either change or divert in some way. After all, I have now shared blog-site info with a woman with whom I would like to pursue a relationship. Scaring her off with obsessive notions, even though I think of some of them as poking fun at myself, is not going to serve me very well. Hopefully, she is the kind of woman who can understand that although I am in touch with such lurid thoughts, I write about them because more recently they’ve been standing out in my mind more than at previous times.
I have written a line on my on-line dating profile that attests to my wabi-sabi appreciation of beauty in women, and that appreciation is an honest-to-goodness truth. Beauty can only be found within a natural, organic frame of reference that includes flaws. Sometimes, the flaws themselves may become valued and loved, (that’s key in wabi-sabi aesthetics) often because flaws speak of character that is absent from people who have tried to fashion their appearance based on some kind of polished, machine-perfect, Hollywood notion of beauty. Another aspect that determines beauty in my eyes is wholeness, complexity, even a degree of asymmetry perhaps. Not that I’d fall immediately for a woman who looked exactly like a Picasso portrait done during his phase of Synthetic Cubism. I’m sure I wouldn’t.
Let me put it this way. Natural appearance is its own beauty. Wholeness of character expands that beauty in my eyes. Make-up used as a mask doesn’t work that well for me, nor does a potential partner ‘lying to impress’ work on me as a strategy. Women often complain about the double standard they face in the facial wrinkles department. They say that wrinkles in men’s faces are often regarded as ‘distinguished’ but not so in women’s faces. I say these women don’t know me! Sure wrinkles can go too far for either men or women. Too many wrinkles can be distracting. But genuine, I-earned-‘em-all wrinkles? I say, “Please allow me to treasure them all because they are authentically you.”
I admit it. I’m quite different from other men in many regards. It disarms some women. More often it puts women on guard. It makes them distrust me because I hold such remarkably different attitudes. Then too, many women I have met wonder, if he holds these enlightened attitudes why is he so obsessive about you-know-what? The answer is simple enough. I’m a man.
I’d like to be able to follow that declaration with the catch-phrase, “pure and simple,” however, I am neither pure nor simple. Simple-minded at times I can grant, but the whole of me is quite complex.
I hope my complexity is alluring because a trusted female friend of mine once told me, “Women like a project.” The simple-minded part of me doesn’t even get what she was meaning to suggest, but she followed up her comment by advising me to just keep wearing my ratty-looking shoes (See No Easy Path ). That advice at least gave me direction.
Direction, I have, but there’s no map, no GPS for dating over age 60. Oh! Oh! See? There’s another thing that distinguishes me from other men. I will stop and ask for directions when I’m lost, even though in my heart I enjoy being lost!
So here I am – lost! Wish me luck or give me direction!